I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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