Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
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I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just puked most of my soul out..
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