he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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