woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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