ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
