you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
