yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Me. At least after what I've been through.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
