i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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