If i could tip my vagina, i would.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
