K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
