My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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