It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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