There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
