is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
