Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
