I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
