I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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