Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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