why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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