i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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