I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
