Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
