i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
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what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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