that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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