And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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