Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
