It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
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I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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