I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
All I want is dick and wine.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
