my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
