You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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