i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
