I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
