Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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