put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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