if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
