PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
