mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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