Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
