Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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