im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
