yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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