Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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