How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
