last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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