how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
