Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
