He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
