Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize