What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
