he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
