wakey wakey hands off snakey
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
