You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
