Already got asked if we're dating
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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