p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
