Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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