Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
