It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
