dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
