Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
