a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
