Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
