I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize