would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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