they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
