Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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