dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My ATM looks so different sober.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
