Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
