how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
