I only kidnapped one of them. chill
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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